Principle 6. Negotiation approach: manage the frame, not the reaction
When conflict flares up, the brain provokes a reaction. Negotiation techniques offer something else: take a step back and manage the frame.
Practical steps:
Pause before responding (do not respond ‘emotionally’)
Separate positions from interests (‘she wants a different schedule’ vs. ‘she needs certainty/fairness’)
Agree on criteria (‘what is the right thing to do?’ = ‘what rule do we use to decide?’)
This shifts the conflict to the realm of decisions.
The most important operational policy: ‘we don’t resolve conflicts in chat’
Chat is great for facts and coordination. It’s bad for difficult conversations.
Introduce a team rule:
In chat – facts without interpretation.
Next – agree on the format (10-minute call/meeting).
Afterwards – summary and agreements in chat (1 message).
This removes 70% of unnecessary noise.
Practical toolkit for managers
1) Checklist before the conversation (3 minutes)
☐ I have facts, not ‘versions’.
☐ I know the goal: what should change after the conversation.
☐ I chose a short synchronous conversation instead of a chat.
☐ I can name the standard/rule.
☐ I know what the follow-up will be and when.
2) Procedure for a 10-minute ‘conflict meeting’
☐ Goal and framework: ‘deciding how to proceed.’
☐ Facts (in turn, briefly).
☐ Impact on work/service/team.
☐ Standard or rule (what should be).
☐ Agreements (1-2 actions, responsible persons, deadlines).
☐ Follow-up (when we check).
3) Red lines: when intervention is mandatory
☐ Damage to the client/quality/safety/money.
☐ Repeated violations of standards.
☐ Humiliation, toxic ‘jokes’, passive aggression.
☐ Double standards.
☐ Conflict ‘going round in circles’ without resolution.
4) Follow-up (what distinguishes a ‘manager’ from a ‘psychologist’)
☐ Check in after 3-7 days.
☐ If repeated, a predetermined consequence/procedure is applied.
☐ If not repeated, reinforcement of the standard (‘I see progress — keep it up’).
Conclusion
Conflicts are not a system failure. They are a signal that something is lacking in terms of clarity, standards or fairness.
A manager who stops ‘reconciling people’ and starts building a process gains two things: a stronger team and their own energy back.
